A poem

Photo by me.

Through the wheat fields, those photo
Mosaics of rural life. The brown
Streams fed by farmers runoff.
The still lakes and small towns
Of still culture.

On past the border. To where the
Land grows a personality —
Develops a Will. Rises and falls
In ocean swells, furrows and
Puckers and wrinkles like the
Brow of a fairy tale shaman.
Bramble patches. Sentinel groves.
Mountains in infancy.
The forest becoming.

Trees intertwine and war for space,
Old-growth here, thick green moss
That looks like grass from a distance.
You hear the insects at their work,
The songs of birds, scampering feet
Of small game…


Or just another interview

Photo by Everyday basics on Unsplash

Pardon the interruption — and I don’t mean to be rude — but I have to be going soon. If this will take a long time, I could leave you with my number, and I’d be happy to get in touch with you later. You understand I’m sure.

[Question]

Oh, well, I have a bus to catch, so as I’ve said, I need to be out of here shortly but do not worry — I’ll answer each and every one of your questions, I assure you, we’ll just need to keep them short.

[Question]

I can’t find my ticket now…


With all the subtlety of a rabid baboon

Photo by Roman Mager on Unsplash

Writing-related articles have become a plague of late. Perhaps they have always been a nuisance and it is my fledgling tenure on Medium that makes them seem so obnoxiously prevalent. Most of them are tedious nonsense made solely to capitalize on a strange fascination by the Medium community: writing advice prescribed by people who should not be advising anyone on anything.

One of the topics I see in writing-related articles is bits referring to SEO (a whole other brand of BS), making money, gaining followers, and .

The Algorithm. The eldritch boogeyman of everyone who tries to make a…


3 movies that do a good job

Photo by Konstantin Dyadyun on Unsplash

We are fascinated by the occult, from Pythagoras and his math to Madonna and her Ray of Light album. The occult is essentially at its coreinformation obtained through means other than a strict observation.

Like everything hidden, people want to know what it is. Who better to educate the masses than profit-motivated undergrads writing movie scripts for the Hollywood Machine?

Perhaps they keep true to the adage “do not cast your pearls before swine” by offering the masses red herrings and misinterpretations. Piles and piles of cinematic dung that only the esoterically inclined will sift through…


Simple tips to increase your yield

Photo by me.

Picture this: you spend days, weeks, hours, years creating a single content. The content is created. It is you. It is the summation of your inner self, your dreams, your divine spark. You put the content online, and wait. You have 40,000 followers on [whatever]. You sold your soul for those followers. Follow-for-follows. Bots. Special favors done for certain people with a lot of influence behind the Noodle & Co on State Street for a price you heavily negotiate beforehand.

But after a time, days, you only have 100 people engage with the content. It is soul crushing. Your soul…


How I handled having all my blood turning into ammonia

Photo by Moritz Kindler on Unsplash

Step 1: You wake up and find that all your blood has turned into ammo —


A poem

Photo by Danilo Batista on Unsplash

Papa has strong hands
Can swing the belt true
Mama’s hands aren’t as strong
But she can swing it, too.
Teacher got a big stick
She ain’t supposed to use
She wraps it up in oily cloth
So it don’t leave a bruise.

Preacher got a big book
But now I’m too big to hit
So he tells me I’m no good
Just a worthless little shit. …


No sex involved!

Photo by Greg Rivers on Unsplash

It happens all the time: People get bored of each other. They drift apart. Fall in love with routine rather than each other. Trudge through every day of their relationship as though it were a task to get through. Love, however, is not a job.

Not everyone wants to spice things up with whips, chains, candle wax, or general butt stuff; sometimes, they want to bring back the romance. But at the same time, they want something “spicier” than date nights and poorly written love poems.

So I’ve compiled a fool-proof plan to breathe life back into your dying relationship.

1 — Relocate All Your Furniture To Someone Else’s House


You’ll never guess what they are.

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

Welcome. You’ve presumably selected this piece because you want to make money writing. I make a bunch of money* writing. But as someone famous once said “Boy, it sure is lonely at the top”.

Why don’t you come join me.

1 — Write for an online publishing platform.

I know, I know. This one is obvious. They get more interesting, I promise. But I have to include it. There are many of these publications, but only a few are worth the effort. I’m being careful to avoid names for… distributive reasons.

But they work by paying per read/read time. Other than “Write Good” in order to increase readers…

Garrett Warren

LaserDisc Apologist, Grand Intellectual, Seer of Greasy Auras; Bots Welcome.

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